The Advisors Network

A Diamond Under Pressure

2009-11-20T15:43:00.000-08:00

The great poet Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote, "When it is dark enough, you can see the stars." Truth is only discovered in times of difficulty. Courage and self-awareness blossom and grow the most when times are the roughest. When adversity strikes, it often feels like we are plunged into a dark void from which we will never emerge. But often when things are the darkest, the stars come out and shine their light upon us so that we can see the path before us.

That is what happened to Jo Jerman, vice president of Merck & Company, Inc. She heads the company's most successful regional division. Today, everyone regards Jerman as a success. But this wasn't always the case. At the age of 22, Jerman entered a marriage that lasted only 11 months. She was the first person in her family to be divorced, and everyone she knew considered this to be a great failure on her part. Not only had the marriage ended, but Jerman's ex had run up an enormous amount of debt and left her destitute. She was soon working three jobs and hardly able to make ends meet. "But," says Jerman today, "what I learned at that relatively early age is that adversity is what teaches us about ourselves. That's when you become who you are. It's character defining."

During this dark period of her life, Jerman was offered a job as a sales representative. "I was totally convinced I couldn't do it," she says. "Especially when I found out it meant moving away from home. I was scared, but I also knew this was my new beginning. It was a moment of decision—either I make this work, or I give up on everything." Jerman believes that one of the reasons it's sometimes difficult to cope during rough times is that adversity challenges us to change, and that it is a part of our human nature to resist change. "One of the most important aspects of adversity," says Jerman, "is that it makes you feel so uncomfortable that you have no choice but to re-examine what you're doing and why you're doing it." I wanted to share Jerman’s story and attitude because it blended nicely into what I am talking about today. I had read her story very recently in a book I am reading.

We must not be afraid of adversity, for instead of grinding us down, it can polish us up to brilliance. We must not be afraid of resistance; remember the kite always rises against the wind, not with it. And we must not be afraid of pressure, for it's that very pressure that forms the diamond, one of the toughest, most beautiful stones on earth.

"Not many people are willing to give failure a second opportunity. They fail once and it's all over. The bitter pill of failure...is often more than people can handle. ...if you're willing to accept failure and learn from it, if you're willing to consider failure as a blessing in disguise and bounce back, you've got the potential harnessing of one of the most powerful success forces." -Joseph Sugarman

The Three Most Powerful Words in the English Language

What keeps people going after their passion and goals without giving up? What keeps their attitude intact when everything seems to be going wrong around them?

I remember hearing a story of an American team of mountain climbers getting ready to climb Mount Everest. Before making the climb each member of the team was interviewed by a psychiatrist. The one question that was asked of each climber was this... "Will you make it to the top?" Each of them had positive and enthusiastic responses..."I'll do my best," or "I've trained many years and I'm going to try." But one man had a different answer. He simply said "Yes, I will." He was the first one who made it to the top, and people who watched him do it were amazed because of the inclement weather.

A "Yes, I will" attitude has been responsible for more achievements in this world because of the belief and faith attached to the commitment. There have been many projects I've worked on over the years where it would’ve been easy to give up when the road got bumpy. When faith and belief are backing your actions, there is nothing you can't accomplish.

If you doubt this, go rent the DVD Rudy. Rudy Ruettiger was a working-class kid with low grades and little athletic skill. He was kind of small, too. But Rudy had a dream. He wanted to play football for Notre Dame. His dream didn't make sense to most people; they said he could never get into the school, much less play on the team. But Rudy, despite the odds, believed in his dream. After many years of hard work and massive amounts of rejection, Rudy got into Notre Dame. Because of his attitude and faith in action, he made the football team. Then, in the only play in the only game of his football career, Rudy sacked the opposing quarterback. He was carried off the field on his teammates' shoulders. And if you asked Rudy if he was going to play for the Notre Dame football team when he was a kid...I'm sure he would’ve answered "YES, I WILL."

I have been listening to a fantastic gift from a friend…an audio story called Diamond in the Rough. What I think about most while listening is all the rejection that I received when I first was into my career, and how those experiences gave me the motivation to use “No” to make me “Go.” Diamonds are formed under great pressure, and going through various setbacks and rejection can polish your skills and give you insights on how to deal with new scenarios in tough times.

I came across the “Top 10 Facets of Success” — traits high achievers have in common — and thought these attributes can help all of us focus when we get off track, and I hope they help you.

Successful People:

1. Have a positive attitude.
The old cliché happens to be true. It’s not what happens to you that counts as much as how you react to what happens. Successful people are realistic optimists.

2. Create their own opportunities.
It’s the fall that fascinates me because of the advantages gained when one gets back up. We gain valuable information and intelligence from every fall, every obstacle, and every painful situation. It’s understanding adversity to the point that we are actually building ourselves through it, not cutting ourselves down.

3. Turn fear into fuel for success.
Fear can be a motivator, pushing us forward. It’s what we learn when we try something that we’ve never done before that gives us additional skills to deal with what’s in front of us. I remember someone telling me that fear is an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real. Our minds create a more frightening picture than the reality of the situation.

4. Feel passion for what they do.
It’s possible to become wealthy doing something you hate. But does that equal success? When asked, “What is the secret to your success?,” every person in an interview regarding success answered that he or she had found something he or she loved to do.

5. Take action.
If high achievers desire a particular outcome, they will put everything they have into its realization. They don’t expect to be handed anything on a silver platter; they don’t even begin a project unless they know they’re willing to put in the effort it will take to make it successful, and they work hard because they know nothing worthwhile is ever achieved without effort.

6. Mine their brain power.
You can make no greater investment than an investment into your own mind. Leaders are readers. We become what we think about all day long...so examine what you're reading and also who you're spending your time with. That will have a huge impact on your overall performance.

7. Learn how to learn.
The thirst for knowledge should never be quenched. High achievers always want to learn how to learn more effectively and keep on improving. It’s what we learn after we know it all that really counts.

8. Set compelling goals.
They focus on what they want to achieve and establish priorities. Goals provide them with a purpose.

9. Surround themselves with wise advisers.
They seek out mentors whose wisdom and experience can help them achieve their goals and desires.

10. Know the value of serving others.
They are grateful for what they have been able to achieve and are happy to help others do the same. They know that by elevating someone else’s success, they elevate their own.

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain." -Maya Angelou, poet and author

Have a wonderful weekend!

Dealing with Burnout

2009-11-09T20:56:00.000-08:00

How can you try so hard to succeed and yet fail?

I once knew a salesperson who was so successful that he failed. His sales and commissions were high, and yet he failed. He was in his office at 6:00 a.m. each weekday and left at nearly 9:00 p.m. each evening. Weekends were used to work at home to catch up on reading, paperwork, and administrative details.

His fierce and unrelenting work schedule was amply rewarded financially. Unfortunately, along the way, he became a different person. He became irritable, forgetful, impatient, and fatigued. His family, friends, and co‑workers were disappointed and even disgusted with his new personality. Even though he was very successful at work, he was failing at everything else. Eventually he became bored and disenchanted with the sales profession altogether. He was a classic victim of the vicious cycle of BURNOUT.

WHAT IS BURNOUT?
What happens when you run a machine too hard and too long? It burns out. The same thing happens to a human machine—a person. When people strive too hard and too long to reach a goal, they burn out. Burnout is a state of fatigue and/or frustration brought on by an intense pursuit of a goal or devotion to a cause. It brings on a series of physical, emotional, and psychological problems.

WHO SUFFERS FROM BURNOUT?
Super-achievers suffer from burnout. They usually have overly full schedules and yet still find the time to take on more. They have a difficult time saying no to the requests of others. When working on projects, they usually do more than their share. Part of their problem relates to their inability or unwillingness to delegate things to others. They like things done right and done on time. Consequently, they do almost everything themselves.

I liken burnout victims to jugglers. They pick up three balls (jobs, tasks, causes) and start juggling them. Once they feel competent enough, they pick up two more balls. Then three more. Now they’re juggling eight tasks at the same time. Other people marvel at the burnout victim’s ability to do so many things at the same time. The victim’s pat response is “I work well under pressure.” That is true. However, nobody works well under extreme levels of tension and pressure for extended periods of time. Eventually, the overall quality of the victim’s work diminishes. People around them become increasingly skeptical, disappointed, and critical of the victim’s work. The victims sense these negative feelings and overcompensate by pushing themselves even harder. They actually pick up four more balls for their juggling act. The quality of their work deteriorates even further. The vicious cycl e of burnout claims another victim.
The people who fall prey to burnout are not bad people. They simply lose their perspective of what is really important in life. They strive too hard to reach a goal in one area of their life, such as their business or profession, and let the other areas of their life (family, social, personal, etc.) flounder. They usually do not heed the warning signals or symptoms of burnout because they honestly believe things will get better soon. They don’t! These people simply expose themselves to too much stress over too short a period of time, and they burn out. Even when they’re lucky enough to achieve their goal and get what they wanted, it usually isn’t what they expected. In other words, the reward doesn’t seem to compensate them for their efforts.

ARE YOU IN THE PROCESS OF BURNING OUT?
Most people like to know whether they are one of the unlucky victims of burnout. If so, you are probably exhibiting some or all of the burnout symptoms. These include constant exhaustion, paranoia, forgetfulness, emotional tension, boredom, lethargy, impatience, irritability, skepticism and cynicism, and a superman complex—a sense of omnipotence. Do not rush to the burnout doctor if you are experiencing some of these symptoms. It is common for everyone to experience some of these ills occasionally, yet temporarily, in some areas of their life. The burnout victims have symptoms that are constant, growing, and pervasive throughout all aspects of their life. They are truly sick physically and emotionally.

How prone are you to burnout?

HOW DO YOU PREVENT OR RECOVER FROM BURNOUT?

It’s not easy. It requires an intense commitment on your part to change your behavior for the better, and the healthier. It will require the same devotion and willpower as quitting smoking or going on a diet. However, don’t try too hard. You may burn out by trying too hard to get better.

The following activities can help prevent you from becoming a burnout victim. They can also aid you in recovering from a burnout you are already experiencing. In following these guidelines, do not try to change too many of your behaviors at once. That will result in a quick case of frustration and a reversion to your comfortable old behaviors. Attempt one new behavioral change at a time. Do not try an additional new behavior until you have comfortably mastered the previous one. In this way, your new healthy behaviors will last.

1. Limit the number of hours you work. The classic burnout victims work excessively long hours—6 or 7 days per week. Even when they’re home or out socializing, they can’t stop thinking and talking business. They wear themselves down physically and mentally.

Make a firm commitment to cut your daily workload down by one hour per week, each and every week, until you’re down to 8‑9 hours per day, five days per week. Don t say that’s impossible. It certainly is possible if you learn how to manage your time better.

2. Set goals—write them down. Most burnout victims work so hard and so long because they get bogged down in too many trivial tasks. Very often the really important jobs, the ones with a high payoff, never get done. This lack of task perspective is very often the direct result of not having clearly defined goals down in writing.

By knowing what is truly important to you in your life, and by having clearly written goals and action plans, you are better able to differentiate the high-payoff tasks from the low-payoff tasks. Then, if you spend most or all of your time doing your high-priority tasks, you’ll probably accomplish twice as much in half the time.

3. Learn to say “No!” Burnout victims have a difficult time telling people they are not able to do another task. They feel it shatters their omnipotent image. Ironically, taking on too much puts so much pressure on the burnout victims that the overall quality of their work decreases and their superman image suffers anyway. When you feel you have more than enough to keep you busy, politely refuse to take on more.

4. Learn to delegate. One of the major problems afflicting burnout victims is their inability and unwillingness to delegate tasks to others. They must resist the tendency to do things themselves. Train others, especially your secretary or assistant, to do your routine and low-priority tasks. Also delegate the right to make mistakes. That’s how others learn. Give them their space to do things on their own. You should be spending your time on planning and completing your high‑priority tasks.

5. Exercise. One of the most effective ways to relieve tension and stress is through exercise. It not only helps you avoid a burnout episode, it also helps you circumvent many other physical ailments. Workaholics and super-achievers complain that they do not have the time to exercise. On the contrary, taking time out of a busy schedule to exercise usually makes you feel less fatigued while you’re working and actually increases your level of awareness and productivity on the job. Force yourself to get at least 200 minutes of physical activity per week spread out over at least five separate days.

6. Break your routines. Don’t follow too rigid a schedule. Too much structure gets you into a rut. In the field of nutrition, the experts recommend rotational dieting. That simply means not eating the same foods all the time and adding variety and flexibility to your eating habits. The same advice holds true for your daily and weekly work schedule. Purposely go out of your way to do some things differently, to do some new things, and to do them at different times.

7. Try to relax. Kick back every so often during each day. Let your mind wander, not thinking about anything in particular, and especially not about business. These are necessary recharge breaks. Take long, hot baths at home to relieve tension. You will find that this is an ideal way to relax both your mind and body.

8. Eat lunch AWAY from the office. This is an excellent way to accomplish many of the above suggestions: Walking to and from the restaurant or the park is an excellent source of exercise. Eating lunch outside or in the park is an ideal way to relax and cleanse your mind. Leaving the office for meals breaks the routine of being in the office all day.

9. Take vacations. Most burnout victims rarely take vacations. They have too much work to do. Even when their spouse forces them to go on a vacation, they load one suitcase with books, reading materials, and work. If the vacation consists of more than three days in the same location, burnout victims start climbing the walls. They’re on a withdrawal from work.

If you react in the above manner, take a series of three‑day vacations throughout the year and discipline yourself not to bring any work with you. Vacation to relax, not simply to work in another environment.

10. Spend more time with your family. I realize not everyone is married or has a family. Those who do should schedule their family members into their appointment book and respect the entry as they would any other business appointment. Eat at least one meal per day with your family. Try to keep business calls to a minimum at your home. Spend one evening and one half-day per week doing something with your family as a group (TV watching doesn’t count!). Get to really know the people who are very important to you in your life.

11. Take time for yourself. Get away by yourself intermittently. Spend some time alone getting to know yourself. Meditate. Relax. Read light, enjoyable material. Pursue a hobby that has absolutely nothing to do with your line of work, but which is relaxing and enjoyable. Treat yourself—you deserve it.

12. Don’t take life too seriously. Believe it or not, you’re not indispensable. Not to the world. Not to your country. Not even to your company. Everything will go on with or without you. Let up on yourself and others. Yes, you do make a contribution—maybe even a major one. But don’t overestimate your own value and worth. Do what you do and do it well. But, don’t kill yourself in the process, because then you’re of no value to the people and causes for which you were working. Take care of yourself and enjoy all aspects of your life—not just work. Everyone will be the better for it, especially you.

Being successful is not easy. It takes hard work, smart work, and dedication. However, if you try TOO hard to succeed, at the expense of other areas of your life, it is only a matter of time before you burn out. The consequences of burnout are not pretty. You don’t have to fall victim to it if you just keep your goals in perspective and your total life in balance, and follow the burnout-prevention recommendations suggested in this article. You’ll be successful in ALL areas of your life, not just work.

Turn That Frown Upside Down

2009-10-13T20:54:00.000-07:00

Teach yourself to be happier, even when times are tough.

If the gloomy economic climate is dragging your morale lower than the Dow Jones Industrial Average, you have plenty of company. All of us have been barraged for months with depressing news about defrauded investors, mortgage foreclosures, bankruptcies, employee layoffs and companies that have gone belly-up.

Chances are that you know someone who has lost his or her job or home or is pinching pennies to get by. Feeling more optimistic when the economy is so bleak may seem like a lost cause. Surprisingly, researchers have found that adopting a more upbeat attitude is a skill that, like guitar playing or skiing, can be learned through practice.

I have a personal friend who holds a master’s degree in applied positive psychology, and in talking with her she has said that she is confident that people can teach themselves to get more pleasure from life, regardless of their circumstances. “This is about rolling up your sleeves in the service of happiness, “ she says.

An Attitude of Gratitude

One of the easiest and most effective paths to a happier life is to develop an attitude of gratitude. It’s no coincidence that giving thanks is a foundation of prayer in every religion and culture. Expressing appreciation requires you to take stock of the blessings in your life, which in turn reminds you to acknowledge that so much good regularly comes your way.

If you’re stuck on what to actually be grateful for, take a few seconds before you get out of bed each morning to value the potential in each new day. You have to tell yourself, “I’m grateful to be here.” You will find that thought will improve how you treat yourself and others.

Another way to help yourself be more upbeat even in trying times is to schedule pleasurable activities. Those anticipated events don’t have to be costly or exotic, but they do need to be a welcome break in your routine. They can be as simple as lunch with a friend at a cool new bistro or a stroll through a farmers market for fresh strawberries. Having a good day, or a good week, requires you to think about what it will take to have just that. I, for one, put a massage on my calendar for a week out. I happen to reap a twofold benefit. I get a rush of happiness anticipating the enjoyable event, and I savor the activity as it happens.

Help Yourself by Helping Others

While nurturing your own mind and busy is one surefire method of staying upbeat, it’s only a piece in the bigger picture of happiness. Reaching out to others is a powerful mood-lifter, especially when you’re connecting with those who benefit from your efforts. It raises a giver’s spirit…there is always someone out there who needs what you have.

Consider volunteering at a pet shelter, library, local school or a soup kitchen. One time, I aided homebound senior citizens by driving them on errands. Fostering personal connections turns out to be a powerful antidote to the self-absorption that can obsess us during trying times.

I really think there even more of a benefit to community service. The good feelings that blossom in you as you reach out actually rub off on others. It is known as “social contagion theory.” This principle says that moods, like colds, are easily transmitted between family members, colleagues and friends.

The closest people to you are predictors of who you will become.

So it’s no wonder that a diet of depressing news or too much time with trash-talking friends can make us feel defeated as well. But the flip side is, thankfully, true too: Even when times are tough, we can create a more upbeat reality for ourselves, and that optimism is equally infectious.

Discipline

2009-07-03T16:36:00.000-07:00

“…I’ve never known a man worth his salt who, in the long run, deep down in his heart, didn’t appreciate the grind, the discipline.”

Those were the spoken words of Vince Lombardi. Discipline can mean different things to different people. To the famous football coach and leader Lombardi, it meant hard work and sacrifice. Hard work isn’t just the number of hours invested or the blisters and bruises incurred. Hard work is discipline, the kind of focused effort that develops self-control. Discipline is born of hard work and it helps you make hard decisions. It helps you embrace the pain associated with change. It helps you stay on track in the face of stress, pressure and fear.

Discipline is also sacrifice, giving up one thing for the sake of another. Achievement involves choices and choices mean sacrifice. Despite what today’s advertisement’s tell us, you can’t have it all. If you decide to get to work an hour earlier to get your paperwork done before the phone starts ringing, you must either sacrifice and hour of sleep, or go to bed an hour earlier (even if that means skipping your favorite late-night TV program).

Study the great performers in any field; music, theater, sports – and you will find they all possess an enormous degree of discipline, a sense of duty. They have learned self-control and they exercise it.

“Once you have established the goals you want and the price you’re willing to pay, you can ignore the minor hurts, the opponent’s pressure and the temporary failures.”
~ Vince Lombardi

All too often our culture celebrates success without any sweat. Our media tend to focus on people who achieve their goals in a seemingly effortless way – the “overnight success.” There are no overnight successes! All of those people we celebrate for their effortless success have actually put a lot of hard work and sacrifice into preparing for their moment of victory. Yes, they may make it look easy, they may even talk in a way that makes their achievement sound inevitable. But if you look and listen carefully, you will see, just below the surface, lies hard work and sacrifice.

I’ve read a lot on Coach Lombardi in my life. A consistent theme for him was “paying the price.” He felt that achievement required habits of commitment, mental toughness, passion, hard work and the willingness to make sacrifices. It stings and it hurts when you fall short of your goal. Sometimes you just want to crawl into a corner and lick your wounds. You don’t want to think about work this weekend; and you certainly don’t want to call on prospects, or go that Monday morning meeting with your V.P. or your manager. That’s the price you pay (hard work and sacrifice) to get into the arena!

Winning is not everything – but making the effort to win is. On my wall in my office is an excerpt from a famous Vince Lombardi speech, and it says, “A man can be as great as he wants to be. If you believe in yourself and have the courage, the determination, the dedication, the competitive drive, and if you are willing to sacrifice the little things in life and pay the price for the things that are worthwhile, it can be done.”

Have a safe and wonderful 4th of July and please remember those whose sacrifices made, continue to give us our freedom to even practice having discipline in our lives. Relax on this holiday weekend and don’t take anything in your life for granted!

The Secret to Finding the Three People Who Will Change Your Life

2009-05-15T19:15:00.000-07:00

Three lifeline relationships can change your life.

That’s the crux of the new book, Who’s Got Your Back, from one of my favorite authors Keith Ferrazzi. His message, the vital need for a handful of deep, trusting relationships with people mutually invested in your success.

Now...how to find them?

Often, you don’t need to – these people are already in your life. You just have to make a choice to take the relationship deeper than you have in the past – you have to invite them in.

One of the best ways I know of doing that is what is called the “long slow dinner,” introduced to me by the very first person who gave me a job in the mortgage industry in 1998, Jay Hargarten, former owner of Barrington Mortgage. I describe Jay as the ultimate “relationship manager”. The Long Slow Dinner isn’t about “wining and dining” someone. It’s about getting to know someone in the right environment. You don’t even have to go out to a restaurant at all—especially given that you may be meeting over time with a number of people you are thinking of as potential lifeline relationships. Its main purpose is simply to get people out from behind their defenses, those concentric circles of desks, cubicles, office doors, home offices, living rooms, phones, and computers, that close off people at work and at home.

People at their desks are effectively locked in a cocoon of established behavior. You want to get them away from that. At work, the open floor plans that are so popular nowadays actually frustrate genuine relationships. The no-walls office style is meant to engender efficiency and openness while breaking down rigid hierarchies—and in some ways it does. But I’ve seen it also prevent open communication for fear of who may be listening; it makes some people cling to their desks like life rafts, as the last refuges of safety and solitude.

Try this instead: Invite someone out for a cup of coffee or tea. I’ve even used the couch in the reception area of a company, since it’s typically the quietest, least used space around. Better still is breakfast or lunch outside the office or home. Early or midday meals can be challenging because time boxes you in, but at least they get you away from the physical distractions and clatter of the office.

The long slow dinner, in short, can take place anywhere the two of you both feel safe. Your job during the dinner is, first and foremost, to get to know the other person better – gradually traveling up the intimacy pyramid with them. If your candidate already knows you well, the long, slow dinner is also a time to check out his “candor quotient”: Is this someone who can be honest with you about what you need to change to improve? Try asking, “I’d love to hear if you think there is anything that would benefit me to know that holds me back?” Invite him to take a risk with you, and see what happens.

2009-01-30T04:41:00.000-08:00

The Significance Principle
1-30-09

Last week we began talking about the first principle of true success and that was Opportunity. The next principle that helps you develop the behaviors of a winner is my favorite and it is what I built my business and life with. I hold it close to me every day, and that is the Significance Principle.

The Significance Principle says to make your purpose more important than your profits.

I am here for a purpose and that purpose is to grow into a mountain, not to shrink to a grain of sand. Henceforth will I apply ALL my efforts to become the highest mountain of all and I will strain my potential until it cries for mercy.
Og Mandino

The Identity Trap: Wasting time losing yourself. Have any of you ever felt this? I certainly have. We sometimes get tied up in the minutia of this world and our surroundings that it is easy to forget who we are inside. Desperation turns us into the people that we all loath. We live in a society that defines us by the NOW, and they mean right now! But that’s us too. What if you could slow it down to actually do more? Start working on your Significance Factor and I can prove to you that you can.

The four keys to your Significance are:

#1 – Put possibility before profits. I love the word “possibility”. One of the best known and most respected Zen masters in the world today, Thich Nhat Hahn, said “We have more possibilities available to us in each moment than we realize.” What describes you does not necessarily define you. Your reality does not control your destiny. Your circumstances now do not have to be the descriptor of who you are. Right now, are you someone who:

Is described by your current reality?

Or

Has an identity you intentionally created that takes you beyond your current reality?

What is your identity? What is it wrapped up in? What is it based on? Are you fulfilling that purpose? My business/life coach told me years ago to “Be a possibility thinker and stop being irresponsible.” Sort of an in-your-face statement, but I would implore you to tell yourself that.

#2 – Put passion before profits. A great leader’s courage to fulfill his vision comes from passion.

#3 – Put professionalism before profits. I am a huge fan of the great quotes. I read all the time just to find the right ones. There’s a great read out there, and on my shelf in my office, entitled Anonymous…The Things People Said But Didn’t Take Credit For. My favorite in that book is “The mark of a true professional is giving more than you get.”

#4 – Put people before profits. This key alone is why I know and will always know that business and friendship DO mix. If you don’t believe that, try doing business with someone you don’t like. More importantly, the way you get meaning in your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.

Remember to win your day today. Embrace every moment to show your Significance.

2009-01-30T04:30:00.000-08:00

The 6 Principles of True Success
1-23-09

Today is about what you can change. How can you develop the behavior of a winner? Over the next few weeks, I want to share with you the six principles which define true success in hopes that I can help you better understand that all the decisions you make ultimately lead to your legacy. Remember, if you don’t have discipline, you don’t have self worth.

The six principles are Opportunity, Significance, Uniqueness, Readiness, Contribution and Experience.

The Opportunity Principle: Make your commitment to your future bigger and better than your past. Losers live in the past. Winners learn from the past and enjoy working in the present toward the future.

Someone I truly care about once gave me the following poem, which I keep in the inside cover of my personal journal to this day:

Beginnings

Endings are the seeds to beginnings.
Tomorrow will come in time.
Even in hopelessness lies a seed of hope,
And even small seeds can climb.

But the little seed has to give up its past
On its voyage to the sprouting tree
Didn’t you ever transcend your life?
Previous visions of who you could be?

Every cloud opens up to the smiling sun,
And the low will soon reach high tide,
Exits and entrances are at the same gate.
Moving through is your ticket to pride.

And two triangles have to surrender themselves
to ever become a square.
And every simple discovery in life makes you give up
What you thought was there.

Caterpillars will butterfly off the ground.
Give up your past to be king.
Horses run best when not looking back.
Let go to reach higher things.

You have to give up your discomforts to ever soar in flight.
But isn’t the end of something that’s wrong
The beginning of something that’s right?

So, you stand at the spot where endings begin,
Handcuffed by the past or freed.
One path will take you to where you have been,
The other will set you free.

So pick yourself up like the rising sun,
like the wind lifting the silent sea.
Plant a hope in your heart like a seedling in spring
And step forward to your new destiny.

There are four keys to embracing Opportunity that you should know:

#1 - Dreams drive your destiny. Eleanor Roosevelt once said that the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

#2 - Dates drive your discipline. Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments.

#3 - Decisions drive your direction. If any of you are familiar with the great Jim Rohn, you’ll remember one of his favorite stances on this subject. He says, “It doesn’t matter which side of the fence you get off on sometimes. What matters most is getting off. You cannot make progress without making decisions.” How do we move from excuses to experiences? How do we take action on our ideas and go beyond tactics to strategy? “Excuse-idis” is the #1 barrier to success. Watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myDYE49KPlQ

#4 - Handle failure well. None of us do, do we? Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement. The Law of the Summit says that your direction is a result of your perception.

If you want to read a great book, pick up Failing Forward by John Maxwell. He offers the following acronym that will help you keep failure in proper perspective and develop a healthy failure strategy:

M: Messages that give us feedback about life
I: Interruptions that should cause us to reflect and think
S: Signposts that direct us to the right path
T: Tests that push us toward greater maturity
A: Awakenings that keep us in the game mentally
K: Keys that we can use to unlock the next door of opportunity
E: Explorations that let us journey where we’ve never been before
S: Statements about our development and progress.

Get excited to fail today. Win your day. Embrace every Opportunity.

2009-01-20T06:08:00.000-08:00

How to Negotiate Without Fear and Anxiety 1-16-09

The Wish-Want-Walk Method
Before any negotiation, determine your Wish, Want, and Walk:

WISH - your dream result for the negotiation.
WANT - where you think the negotiation is most likely to end up given what you know about the market and the person you are negotiating with.
WALK - the point at which you WILL WALK AWAY.

Then write them down and you'll feel comfort and confidence going into your negotiation.

Walking Away in Personal Relationships
The Wish, Want, Walk method is very helpful in the most difficult of all negotiations: those involving personal relationships.

Oddly, it is the concept of establishing your Walk-Away point ahead of time that often proves to be the most helpful. Every couple caught up in the first flush of love is filled to overflowing with their Wish. That is where couples freshly in love seem to live. They are also aware of their Want. They know somewhere in the back of their minds that there will be laundry and cooking and kids and bills and schedules and all the mundane things that make up everyday life. The Walk-Away point, however, is seldom thought of, let alone mentioned. It might put a hex on the relationship.

However, if you don't think about the Walk Away point ahead of time, if you don't set it out clearly in your mind and, I hope, on paper, you will be like many people in a personal relationship who did not set their limits. They go along and get along until one day one of them shouts to the other, "Now you've done it. You really crossed the line that time!"

Generally, the other party is thinking, "What line? I didn't see any line. What is this all about?" If the offended party had thought out the "line" - the Walk - he or she could have articulated it calmly and early in the relationship during an interesting conversation about what is important in life. Then, if something came up in the relationship that was akin to the Walk-Away position of either party, both people would know it. Both people would be aware that there was the potential for a problem if things kept going in the same direction.

In most instances, the fact that both sides are aware of the Walk-Away point keeps the line from being crossed. If there is a compromise that can be worked out, there is time to find it calmly and rationally before unstated boundaries have been violated. If there is no compromise to be worked out, the parties can go their separate ways in peace, knowing that they tried and that there was no solution.

Much of the anger after a divorce comes from the fact that unstated boundaries--the Walk position--were crossed and anger set in before the parties realized how much trouble they were in. To preserve your relationship, you must think about and talk about your Walk-Away point--those things that are unacceptable. Do this well ahead of time instead of hiding it, as you would in a business negotiation.

In a personal relationship, get the things that make up your Walk-Away position on the table early. Talk about them thoroughly before making the relationship permanent. It will pay off in years of happiness.

2009-01-06T21:00:00.000-08:00

The Decision to Move Away From Fear is Faith 1-6-09

I recently had the pleasure of spending time with the co-founder of Keller Williams Realty, Gary Keller, a keynote speaker at my last industry event in November. Gary’s new book, SHIFT: How Top Real Estate Agents Tackle Tough Times, is one of the best reads you will ever pick up. As I listened to his wisdom, I pondered many of the profound statements he made and tactics he shares in his book…so I wanted to bless you with my inspiration and thoughts taken away from this gem.

Shift Happens.
What is your biggest challenge? Attitude. I guarantee it. Our industry gets beat down by media, we get beat down by the industry, by other brokers, other agents, our fiends, our family…so where do we turn? Around, that’s where. If you do something, you’ll get something. If you do something specific, you’ll get something specific. If you do nothing, well…

We fail our way to success…we don’t succeed our way to success. If something is going to happen for you, you have to make it happen with laser-like focus. Top people will be known for doing the right things day in and day out. They have a deliberate practice and are focused.

Get real, Get right.
This is a mindset and action. Plenty of times before I learned how to control my environment and guard my time I would always have the time blocked and set, but never take action. Focus on your purpose for being in business. Spend three to four hours a day before noon on the 1-2 things that really matter. In my world, it’s either generating the lead or nurturing the relationship that gave it to me. Successful people have a criteria and it’s typically made up of Dollar Productive Activity. In coaching professionals, I’ve often said…”you don’t have enough DPA blocked into your schedule.”

Most of you know the advocate I am of time management and how it can make you or break you. 80% of your success will come from 20% of what you do. So I have a question…If I’m doing something important, why would I stop to go find something else to do? Mr. Keller talks about re-margining your business. He shares, “You cannot revenue your way into untold profit.” But I thought about that. I think we all need to re-margin our lives, immediately. As Keller proclaims in SHIFT…The pressure in life should come from your goals, not your expenses.

The M&M Theory.
Have a message and a method. You all have wonderful tools in lead generation at your fingertips. Start turning your indirect offers into direct offers. You have been given a great method of prospecting and marketing. It’s a buyer’s market, not a waiter’s market. The public is not listening to you and that is your fault. Redirect their thinking. The government will spin their way out of recession…but statistically, the real estate (and mortgage) business has been in a recession since 2005.

Be the Constant Choice. Connect.
This is one of my goals to be for you. It’s in my life blood. It also should be yours to your clients. VALUE comes from service or information and education. I truly believe that the buyer you work with is my client too. My job is to make you look amazing to the buyer – in turn the buyer will hopefully make me look amazing to you. I protect relationship at all costs. I know that I am an invaluable and priceless partner to you. You see, I don’t have to do a lot. All I have to do is the thing that matters. I’m clear on my vision and I want you to be as well. Make your clients realize the significance you hold. Be invaluable to these people and create the experience that is defined by you. You are the experience. Did you know that your competitors are not equipped with maximum opportunities like you are? Cast aside your fear and have faith…in yourself. You won’t believe the difference it makes in your life. And when you do that, you can’t help but infect the lives of others.

2008-12-15T23:07:00.000-08:00

You Will Find Power in the Ability to Act 12-12-08

Hope is believing that a better or positive outcome is possible – even when you are suffering.

Hope is a part of what has kept you in the real estate business. The hope that amid all the chaos in the financial markets today, all the changes we are facing daily in both the government and private sector, that there are solutions.

Live with passion. Give yourself a powerful injection of renewed passion for your profession. And also be reminded that hope alone cannot give you the power you need to fight the good fight and succeed.

That is why I have faith in you. And hope. That is why I have stacked all of my time and energy into each and every one of you. From experience and personal perseverance I am here to help you with your “how-to’s” and your “want-to’s” to solve every single one of the problems and barriers that currently confront you both in your professional and personal life. Each session we hold and every conversation we have I personally hope will help define a specifically designed plan to take you out of the suffering that tests your hope, and show you the scores of opportunities that exist.

Over the next few months you will discover how to harness the energy to keep you focused on success, rather than adrift in confusion and fear. You will find ways to capture your internal power to not only see things for what they are, but also see the opportunities that only change can bring.

Hope helps us all hang on. My goal is to nourish that hope by giving you the “how-to’s” to stay in the game and earn more money, more time, and a more abundant and significant life.